To Moms and the Not Moms

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, or acting moms, or single dads, or aunts or dog/cat mom’s ect. We all have a purpose and I do love that the narrative has been shifting the last several years that if you are a woman, your ultimate purpose does not have to be a mom and/or wife. I am not a mom and, at this point, I’m not sure that I will ever be. At the moment, I am fine with that. I think if it ever does happen, it will be through adoption because there are so many kids that out that need a loving home. But like I said, for the time being, I am really good with where I am. I love living my life on my own terms and  working towards my own goals. If a trip comes up next week, I can probably make it work, as I did with the last minute day trip me and my best friend did yesterday.  If a friend needs something, I’ll be there. If my sister needs me to pick the kids up for the afternoon, 100% and “would you like me to bring you a coffee too?”

I feel like my way of life somewhat baffles my family and those who have known me most of my life only because I’ve worked with kids for as long as I can remember. I think I started babysitting around 11 years old. I’ve volunteered in classrooms, vbs’s and have directed several children’s theatre shows. I love kids and would usually prefer working with them more than working with adults. So it just seemed that the natural progression of my life would be to have some of my own. I’ll be honest, I thought it too for a while. And to my mostly military and/or conservative family, it’s a bit confusing to them. All my cousins have been married for years and are starting to have kids. My poor mother. I am her only child and she has been on me for years about grandchildren. We finally had a “come to Jesus” meeting a couple years ago and she doesn’t mention it much any more. I do, however, remember a certain conversation several years ago: We were at some kind of event and my mother, who is also single, proclaims in front of several other women, “You know Brittney, I know of lots of other single women who adopt on their own.” To which I replied, “Go ahead mom.” So I will say I have been pretty clear on my stance and that I will not be pressured into or guilt-tripped into making such a big decision.

But I am an aunt. We are not related by blood, but I have known them since the day each of them were born and would do anything for those kids. I had the 2 girls out on a short day trip and couple months back and Riley, the oldest, asked me “Aunt Brittney, are you our real aunt?” I said “Not by blood, but yes, I am your aunt.” I love being their aunt. I love taking them out for fun days and telling them “yes” to anything they ask for. I love bringing them back home and saying “Sorry, we got ice cream and also went to the candy shop. But they did eat actual food too: Chickfila. I’m sure they ran it all off at the beach and trails though.” I’m sure their parents love me for that, but they never have to worry about their kids when they are with me either. The only texts I get are “Do you know about what time you will be coming back?” I love that my niece told me when she started her period. I’m there to listen to their friend drama, their teacher problems, or their disagreements with their siblings. I’ve kept them for long weekends, during hospital stays, and emergency travels plans. I’ll rearrange my schedule for them and cherish every moment I get to spend with them.

What’s that saying about “you can’t choose your family”? I don’t agree with that in the slightest. Family is a choice. So thank you to all the moms out there. I’m not sure I could do it. To all the women who have chosen to not be moms, I commend you for carving your own path in a world that sometimes makes you feel like you have to have children of your own to feel complete; you don’t. And to the women who want to be moms, but it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason, I hope you find peace and love on this day that may serve as a painful reminder; I don’t know what the future holds for you, but I do hope you get what your truly desires.